Home schooling as a result of Hyperparenting

Dear daddy's friends

Dad looked at me strangely this evening. He wondered if it was alright for me to be home-schooled. After reading an New York Times article 'New York parents delay formal schooling for kindergartners' http://http//r.smartbrief.com/resp/mLrYsSAfCzyrhQfCiugxvmAZ
he found it odd to make the connection that home-schooling is an extreme version of bourgeois parenting- hyperparenting. (He chuckled and was near hyperventilating)


As he read, he concurred that the parents chose such a path for their kids (and themselves) with a very clear goal in mind- to craft a life that fits what they see as their child’s developmental stage as well as that of themselves. Further reading led to finer distinction from the home schooling curriculum- "nor are they strictly “unschooling,” that is, following the teachings of John Holt, a progressive educator who promoted a child-led learning movement that is a wildly democratic subset of the home-schooling world". What was evident in the article was the social network support among parents who home-school their kids.

Dad reflected on the rationale of why these parents took this path, many of whom are very 'well-schooled', considering very practical issues and was tempted with the idea himself. Surely, he thought to himself as a curriculum designer, he has more than it takes to individualise a curriculum well suited for us. His main concerns though with home-schooling is the lack of space for development of social skills. Yet, as he pondered deeper, if life skills were taught through activities such as reading aloud the subway stops, or counting out change at a vegetable stand, how can he achieve success even without going down this path.

One thing that was clearly a push factor for parenting in both New York and Singapore is the mad rush to nurture the brainiest kids- endless enrichment lessons (many of which began from the foetal stage), multiple tuition classes- tireless cognitive hyper stimulation for the sake of ensuring a seat in the top schools or highest grades during placement exams. Daddy concludded that the following quote by one of the parents resonated well with him- "to value his own good work, and think for himself". What necessitates the 'right' option, eventually lies in how one best understand himself/herself and that of the child. May God grant all parents the wisdom (and energy) to raise the kids in a best possible manner.

footnote: Dad wondered what do Jewish parents that their kids are generally more gifted than other kids around the world.

Learning in Spiral Prgression

Today, dad decide to extend the learning of the concept of 'Ark and water' to learn with Joshua through spiral progression to enrich the learning experience.

photo of the 'futuristic' looking ark constructed using Lego bricks yesterday.

What is spiral progression?

Spiral learning refers to the view that learning takes place over time as a
process of maturation, so that the same or similar ideas are met again and again
but each time with greater sophistication requiring further maturity.
Extracted from http://www.ncetm.org.uk/Default.aspx?page=22&module=enc&mode=100&enclbl=Progression

These were the specific activities for this evening:

• 8.30pm- 8.45pm Warm UP: Whats Up Today?



• 8.45- 8.50pm Revisit Story of "The Animals and the Ark" <Word recognition: Dad recorded the time taken for Josh to arrange the form alphabets>




• 8.50 -9pm Underwater creatures <Science: Dad showed Joshua a series of underwater animals and discussed the difference between land and sea creatures>



• 9-9.15pm Origami: Boat making < Computer and Craft: Dad and Josh surfed the web and did a comparative study of Noah's ark by analysing various images in Google. Then they found this great website http://www.origami-kids.com/ >
  



• 9.15-9.30pm Water invasion <Science: Dad first asked Joshua about why can a large bottle float while a smaller sea shell can sink. By testing out the two objects, dad introduced concept of buoyancy. Next, they placed their paper boat in the tank and allowed water to splash to create the 'rain' effect as part of Noah's ark>

The intent was simply to allow Joshua to construct various examples of the same above-mentioned concept (unit of learning: Sea). By revisiting a story i.e. The Animals and the Ark" the activities became then the extended example spaces (new educational concept on the breadth and depth of the mental collection of examples). By showing how the same idea can be developed through different subjects, the child's dimensions of possible variation expand and thus the transfer of learning is researched to increase his ability for interdisciplinary learning (also a key advantage in problem/project-based learning).

In education, teachers realised that to build confident independent learners, it is critical for students to gain a high degree of competency in a particular skill/ learning area. Thats why daddy particularly emphasize to teachers that a well designed rubrics can be a powerful means to scaffold learning of a child (read daddy's blog for teachers- http://think-learn-grow.blogspot.com/)

Making Skills EXPLICIT in learning

Dad fully agrees with Uncle Mark's comments about helping the child to find and understand their personal strengths (based on his earlier comment in the previous entry in Structured Learning). Yet, it is important to pre-face that the 'routined structured' learning goes beyond the intent of delivering learning outcomes of subject matters like Math/Science.

To dad, the cognitive engagement is the more 'accessible' platform for searching of answers- of self, content and others- and reaching for meaning. The activities need be thoughtfully designed to allow Joshua to learn about problem-solving, decision-making, critical thinking and creative thinking. More importantly, dad was sconsciously building affective skills to help Joshua understand himself and the world around him a little better. Dad hopes to use the activities as an "act of innovation (which is) both cognitive and emotional." (Goleman, 1998) According to Goleman "coming up with a creative insight is a cognitive act- but realising its value, nurturing it and following through calls on emotional competencies such as self-confidence, initiative, persistence, and the ability to persuade" (p.100).

The idea to connect emotionally through the activities is just as important (some would argue that its more). Researchers like Amabile (1987) and Torrance (1983) also wrote that the direct effects of affective states, such as motivation and passion, can hugely impact ability to create as well. For daddy's Emergenetics profile (strongly bimodal- conceptual and social thinker; strongly expressive, assertive and flexble behavioural preference) he either battles or leverages his strong emotions i.e. anxiety, love, hate, anger, to influence his own thinking- in both positive and negative ways really. In this activity, dad engages his strong affective attributes to design the activities to help Joshua. Butler (2002) state that being affective means ways "in which we deal with attitudinal and emotional aspects of learning, including feelings, appreciation, enthusiam, motivations, attitudes and values" (p.3)

Explicitly, dad aims to facilitate the behaviours listed in Krathwol, Bloom, and Masia's (1964) descriptors of

• receiving (being aware, willing to hear, selectively attentive)
• valuing (the worth of something as evidenced by a person's acceptance and commitment)
• organising values (comparing, relating, synthesizing the worth of things to resolve discrepancies and to create a unique value system), and
• internalising values (exhibiting a value system that controls behaviour in a pervasive, consistent, characteristic manner).

Finally, on the part of the parents, what kind of mindset is important to underpin the process of interaction? I believe the following attitudes ascribed to effective facilitation in change leadership applies also to facilitating creative parent-child communications:

• openness to novelty (being able to entertain ideas that may at first seem outlandish or risky <especially dealing with the ideas of a child>)
• tolerance for ambiguity (able to deal with uncertainty and to avoid leaping to conclusions)
• tolerance for complexity (being able to stay open and persevere without being overwhelmed by large amounts of information, interrelated and complex issues, and competing pespectives) (Puccio et al., 2007, p.51-52)

Amabile, T. M. (1987). The motivation to be creative. In S. G. Isaksen (Ed.), Frontiers of creativity research: Beyond the basics (pp. 223-254). Buffalo, NY: Bearly limited.

Butler, B. H. (2002, September). Learning domains or Bloom's Taxonomy adapted for public garden educational programs. Starting right: Project planning and team building in informal learning.AABGA professional development workshop.

Goleman, D. (1998). Working with emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam.

Krathwohl, D. R., Bloom, B.S., & Masia, B.B. (1964). Taxonomy of educational objectives: The classification of educational goals. Handbook II: Affective domain. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Puccio, G. J., Murdock, M. C., & Mance, M. (2007). Creative leadership: Skills that drive change. Three Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc.

Torrance, E. (1983). The importance of falling in love with something. Creative Child and Adult Quarterly, 8, 72-78.

Uncle Mark's words of wisdom on Happiness in Parenting

Daddy recieved a mail from Uncle Mark Abraham from UK. Daddy reflected on his sharing and thought it would be great to capture it here as it led to a deeper understanding of his role as a parent, in today's society- the interconnections of the PURPOSE and FOUNDATION of the family. And if the family is the heart of the nation and family values, then Uncle Mark was wise to assert that a happy, harmonious and healthy families make for a strong community and a united society.

Being a parent - trickiest thing imaginable!

Only guidance which used to be available was what we learned from our parents - good or bad. To really get into this subject we may need to start from the standpoint of everybody being different, different cultures, ages, sexual orientation, races, religious beliefs and ability. If we were lucky enough to have the best of parents, well informed and balanced, then we were lucky. The 2.4 children on average per family UK syndrome meant nothing to the poorest and to the richest. They just got on with it. Life is not something that can be statistically engineered and there can be no hard and fast rules. The rules have, to some degree, to be made up as we go along. Now things are evening up here - opportunity exists for the poorer in our communities and society to make it big, with a little bit of luck thrown in.

Back to parenting skills. What are present day parents thinking and doing? I am a 60's man.. free love, drugs, rock and roll. But I didn't do that stuff. I married young and our family values were drawn from our experience and the luck of being born at the end of a world war, when things were settling down and bringing up kids becomes a different thing from survival and hard work. Education, again, became an option for many of us. But as Connie P says, our values were more that 'children should be seen but not heard, boredom was not an option, toil had a place in our upbringing, married to our innate expectation that we should and could succeed in life. But I had no drivers, I was the youngest of three and I just existed. Intellectually, I was rich but having fun was what others did. Then I got married travelled a lot and we have two wonderful girls, now grown up but not yet married and settled. They are building careers before they settle. And they are girls! That's what knocking down the gender barriers has achieved. My parents and inlaws also played a valuable part in enabling me and my family to 'have it good.'

Now I'm not the greatest parent (though my kids would disagree happily). But I wasn't strict enough ... I didn't enforce discipline the way it should have been. This can lead to an untidy mind. Travelling and caring for the wider family meant that our time was stretched. This can be a good thing because I wanted our kids to be independently minded and not burdened with any of the restrictions that my generation experienced and my upbringing set the tone for.Yes, you know what...I can support what Connie P said and the principles. But as soon as we start to generalise then we try to follow what others think and that way round we can fail. Its the same, maybe and for instance, for people who want to give up smoking. The rules and the logic don't help - what is ingrained cannot be changed without taking things into our own hands, by letting our thinking take over our doing. Sometimes its hard..very hard. When and where you were born and what opportunities you get is largely a matter of chance and luck - like the trillion to one chance of being born in the first place.

John - you are a good man... you will most likely do good...with the parenting and the guidance. But we can't force things home. Often, in terms of actions, parents are the last people that kids take guidance from..hence reverse psychology and the need, sometimes, to revise the way we do things to get the point across. I am very much in favour of having both male and female influences involved in bringing up kids. But you probably enjoy a different and more rigid culture than us over in UK. We are a bit to liberal sometimes. I hope it works for you.Finally and the most simple of simple things that make bringing up a balanced child possible. Happiness is important because if we, the parents are happy this creates the environment in which a child will flourish. Their happiness is then a case of empathy and reflection. Under those terms, by the time your kids are say 5 or six years old, I think they will have formed their core characteristics. Then education and peer pressure take over and what they do, say and think returns to the lottery of what's going on around them. Their main instinct..like ours, is to survive. Then they adapt and evolve. As parents we have some control but, in the end, not as much as we may care to think. These little individuals of ours will became who they are, on their own volition and carrying a pack of merit which they, themselves will decide how to use and what to do.

Perhaps, in amongst this diatribe, there may be something of merit.It comes down to a number of factors and the thinking that we can find the time and the intellect to put in. You are thinking this parenting thing through. At your age I was in auto mode - simply doing and trying to survive whilst a bunch of stuff was going on around me. In a family, if you can close ranks and avoid contradiction and confusion, that way lies success. But what do I know.? All I do know is that, luckily, by that possible coincidence of fate, I'm doing and have done OK. Others are not so lucky.And then we move on in to that world of "we don't experience luck, we make things happen". To succeed using that notion you would need to fully understand all the factors at play. With kids that's not always possible. As Connie says..their job is to mess up. or words to that effect.

What were your parents like?
What opportunities are there for you and your kids?

If you are happy then it's likely that they will be happy - assuming good health and all those other things.

Don't 'close up the shop' and become an insular family - peer pressure will get your kids some time so they need to be in the mix, know how to relate and where to look to find and seek those better oppotunities .. but you can help them find those opportunities and protect and support them whilst they safely experience life..that is the best you can give. They should not, in my opinion, run wild or they will find it hard to survive in a society that rejects such behaviour

Finally..best advise I ever had...BE WISE.

Wisdom will rub off..set a good example. But, but and but again..I can name many successful individuals who started off life in hard times, were mavericks and renegades who tuned their life around and became fine examples of humankind. They learned from their mistakes...and so have I. We, all of us, can only do what we think best as parents and in life.

Uncle Mark's advice again surfaced several critical issues on how parenting is both a challenge and a joy. It is also very interesting with his point on the 2.4 children on average per UK family making no difference as the Spore govt recently announced the additional incentive for parents to take on their national service to 'replenish' the brains and the fight the ageing population as well as the rave reviews by the everyday Singaporean. Daddy recalled hearing on air how people commend the government's effort to do more to help parents with the financial aid. At the same time, dad was also heartened to hear the appeal for Ministry Community, Youth and Sports to restate the role of parenting for Singaporeans. (http://app.mcys.gov.sg/web/faml_main.asp) Daddy thought that with the merits of a more affluent society, it is not only useful to have the financial support for child rearing but even more fundamentally to anchor the values of parenting. This is especially so when children of our Z generation are so in-tuned with the digital media. WIth dads and mums working even harder to support the family, what are the pillars of building the nurturing relationships to "show the way". Of course, dad is always annoyed when people conveniently push the responsibility to schools and their role to educate. The call for MCYS to advocate their standpoint on values-based family building is indeed timely.

HOwever, dad felt that though it is great to have the "flexibility" to allow kids to play, interact and enjoy a less structured approach to learning in homes, dad felt that in the context where both parents are working in Spore, having the effort to create space and time together MEANINGULLY is a commitment and takes much dedication to follow-through. Yet he has the faith that the intangible rewards will form the roots to greater things in our future. At least right now, dad who is by nature 'lazy and a slacker' knows that if he has to 'spend' time with us, he better do it creatively so that both he and us can have fun... together ! :)

Structured FUN Learning

Mummy has been nagging daddy to do more to teach us..."you can teach teachers but you cannot even teach your own children" Of course, daddy grumpily obliged. Yet, this recent challenge brought about new motivation for creating a structured way of studying. Dad was glad he did as Josh was looking forward to learning each day, and suggested learning activities for himself.

The table below is clearly labelled and printed for all as a visual indicator of progress.

How does this work? What are the learning outcomes?

1. First decide with child which four days are Learning Days and write the dates below
2. On a daily basis, child chooses 2 learning areas for weekdays (3 for weekends); <Child appreciates range of different domains and exercises options based on gaps or motivation>
3. As the week proceeds, parent to facilitate selection by ensuring that a range of learning activities are covered. Need for parent to explain to child why and how it is important to prioritise and keeping a balance.
4. On the parent's part, need to ensure each activity is creatively design so that child is clear on the challenge and expectations. Provide a range of different activities with different inquiry focus for each learning area. For example, Art and Craft on Monday could mean painting and then on Thursday would be to use Mon's artwork to make into a greeting card.
5. Allow progression. After several weeks, change the breadth to offer new experiences. It may be an 'outdoor' learning week for example where maths, sports, art and craft could all be done outdoors. Allow the child to progress at a rate which meets their learning needs and aptitudes.

SOme things to Note:

'Child's Choice' (Last row option): recognise that each child can make their own decision and parents are open to accept, build-on or modify suggestions. Saying 'no' could hamper the intent. Offering alternatives or asking child to suggest alternatives may strengthen child's ability to evaluate and strategise. For example, child wants to fry an egg for a first time. Instead parents could involve the child to work on part of the actual activity with demonstation along the way to understand the process of cooking.

Surprises Most Welcomed! Useful to add novel surprises such as, "How about lets also cook some red bean soup for mummy?""HOw about seeing whose model works better in water?"

Keeping to time. Some parents may have an unconscious bias for some areas eg. a dad who loves soccer, may play for more than an hour and run out of time for the rest. Good to negotiate and help child to set their own goals.

Recognise when learning takes place. It is important to be mindful of what and why each activity is selected. Great to plan and at the same time, need to recognise successes. Kids enjoy celebrations, thus plan little milestones so that it further inspires child independently seek to continue learning. However, be honest to recognise when things go wrong. These 'on-the-job' failures are great learning moments for conversations to evaluate what went wrong and to decide what could be done next, or in the future.

Careful listening please. At times, parents may be so focussed to achieve the outcomes that they forget to actively listen to child's needs or learning difficulties. What is more important, learning together as a process or merely fulfill the outcomes?

Building trust. Through working out the activities together from planning, executing, reflecting, revisiting, the process deeply builds greater relationship!

A vision for my children

Amabile captured the following wise words in her book, Growing Up Creative: Nurturing a Lifetime of Creativity.

The main vision I have for my children is for them to be happy. That's my goal. If they can be happy with themselves, I've achieved a whole lot... Jason was always wonderful. The vision I have for him is that he can do anything he wants. And I've told him he can do anything he wants. He has showed me a lot of
what he can be. All of the kids have. I see each one's one strengths and weaknesses, and I go with those. The vision didn't start with me; they showed me.

Play with your kids; especially, quit instructing them. Just go with them. Let them tell you what things are about instead of you always telling them, because they see things in a totally different, sometimes bizarre, sometimes wonderful way. (Amabile, 2007, p.102-103)

Amabile, T. M. (2007). Growing up creativity: Nurturing a lifetime of creativity (5th ed.). Hadley, MA: The Creative Education Foundation.

Crazy dreams and imaginary friends frighten parents!!

Dad just watched a very intriguing Japanese video 'A Child's Creativity'. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcmnHFaevYk

Daddy highly recommends this to parents (and teachers too) who think that they should teach their kids how to contain their wild thoughts (as if they can). Its great to have rational thinking, logical thoughts or even critical thinking... YES fantastic-its all good ...AND it helps to understand that our mental operations (especially us children) are active and dynamic, rather then reactive and static.

The video in youtube just shows that adult's perceptions, at times (or should it be most of the time), tend to be too prescriptive, and narrowly-focussed. Dad thought that the teacher started with an excellent question, "Draw whatever you want to..." but in the end, the teacher was not able to manage the ambigiuity of her own open question. Hurson (2008) reasoned that "Staying in the question means being okay with the ambiguous. Being okay with the ambiguity means being open to the possible." (p.56) The video just blew dad's mind away with brainstorming rule #1: Defer Judgement.

Building on Dad's earlier thoughts on the complexity of creativity, he learnt too from research that outstanding creative talents have imaginary companions and imaginary worlds (the latter known as paracosms). (Runco, 2007, p.57) "During the preschool years, many children create imaginary companions that become a regular part of their daily routines" (Taylor et al., 1993, p.276). Mackeith (1982) and Taylor (1999) observd that imaginary companions and paracosms was most common in preschool. Singer and Singer (1992, p.110) noted though that the same "congnitive and emotional processes continued throughout life" (Runco, 2007, p.57).

Views of imaginary companions were even linked to psychoanalytic (Sperling, 1954), explained as sign of giftedness, indicative of narcissism, etc. Essentially, the imaginary companion may be indicative of creative potential and the the the creation is the result of creative process. "In this light the imaginary companion provides the child with a great deal of practice at thinking creatively." (p.58)

The video also shed clarity to Runco' accusation of how parents and teachers hinder a child's cognitive development:

a) Parents read this-

"Parents do not always tolerate creativity, it does often require tolerance. It is one thing to agree that creativity is a desirable thing, and a trait that you admire and want to encourage you in your children, but another thing to actually tolerate and support it. Brown's (in press) research on parents and children's language demonstrates the difficulties: He found that what was most important for parents in children's language was not grammer or complexity, but truthfulness. Parents did not want a child talking in a manner that reflected an inaccurate world view, and this is precisely what a creative child may supply!"

b) Teachers read this -

"Teachers also have difficulties with creative children. Consider in this
regard the profiles of 'the ideal child' provided by Torrance (1968) and Raina
(1975). Ideal children are polite, considerate, respectful, and
punctual. They are not unconventional, nonconforming, contrarians. (p.59)"

Dad will never forget his imaginary friends. He remember when he was Secondary Two (14 yrs) he dreamt that he was in his school's (ACS) clock tour in Barker Rd. Suddenly, he was chased by a giant size spider in his school hall. As he was hiding and running around away from the monster shooting it with his water gun, Wonder woman (yes, in her bright blue wonder bra) came to dad's rescue and saved him in her invincible fighter plane. Finally, she kissed Dad good bye and dropped him off on Sentosa. Now, Dad is quite a visionary actually. When Dad was 14, MRT (trains) were still unheard of in Singapore. Yet, he dreamt that by plucking himself on a track, he could assemble his own MRT carriage and with a GPS system (then unheard off again) he zoomed his way around town and easily folded up his own train. Cool ya....

So Dad would constantly probe us as we grow up to dream big and wild.... real wild? I wonder at 14, if Dad had dreamt if Wonder woman's wonder bra was invinsible too? hee hee... (we won't tell mum!)

References

Brown, J. W. (in press). Commentary to: Vandervert et al. Working Memory, Cerebellum and Creativity. Creativity Research Journal.

Hurson, T. (2008). Think better: An innovator's guide to productive thinking. New York: The McGraw Hill Companies.

Mackeith, S. A. (1982). Paracosms and the development of fantasy in childhood. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 2, 261-267.

Runco, M. A. (2007). Creativity-Theories and themes: Research, development, and practice. San Diego, CA: Academic Press.

Singer, D. G., & Singer, J. L. (1992). The house of make-believe: Children's play and the developing imagination. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Sperling, O. E. (1954). An imaginary companion, representing a prestage of the superego. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 9, 252-258.

Taylor, M. (1999). Imaginary companions and the children who create them. New York: Oxford University Press.

Taylor, M., Cartwright, B. S., & Carlson, S. M. (1993). A developmental investigation of children's imaginary companions. Developmental Psychology, 29, 276-285.